Mom messed me up just right
Springwell Families,
Too many parents have the sad misconception that we must parent perfectly. Parenting guilt sounds like a pervasive high-pitch screeching static noise you hear when the radio dial is just a bit off. It can give headaches and make you cranky, tired, super controlling and annoying.
Why are parents so anxious about parenting perfectly? For me, the need for perfection comes from fear of repeating mistakes of generations past. I don't want to mess my children up, the same ways I've perceived Mom may have messed me up.
Me and Mom at high school graduation
Lest I sound like an ingrate, Mom gave so much: opportunity to learn, a grade-A education, discipline, work ethic, immersion into arts and music, an appreciation of humanity, a passion for community and justice, and most of all ferocity to achieve my goals. The list is quite long. These are most certainly gifts from many, many generations past.
In spite of all these gifts, I have readily interpreted most communications with Mom as barrages of criticisms or corrections or suggestions to change myself or my children. There's a pervasive sense that who I am, what I do, and the decisions I make are incorrect or incomplete without her. For me, the result has been workaholism and perfectionism to prove myself worthwhile and all the anxiety, toxic relationships, and sleepless nights that come with it.
Over the past few years, I've realized a life-altering truth: Mom messed me up just right, and her parenting was indeed perfect.
My difficulties with Mom perfectly molded my journey with all of its challenges; it perfectly shaped my vision and beliefs about empowerment and freedom of expression for children; it perfectly gave me opportunities to stand up to authority, fill the void, and use my own voice.
Without the workaholism or perfectionism, 1) I wouldn't have the drive or obsessive work ethic required to found a school; and 2) I wouldn't have the deep desire to give children a life free from obsessive unworthiness. I have found that obsession is a powerful gift that can be leveraged at choice.
I realize today that Mom's perfect mothering is a major, powerful driving force behind Springwell itself. Now if that's not a gift, I don't know what is.
At Springwell, we support our families in so many ways. We not only provide nourishing, holistic education to children, we also provide rich, deep opportunities for parents and caregivers to evolve into their futures with power and wholeness.
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So now, I turn to you...
How willing are you to relish in the fact that your parenting is already perfect?
What powerful gifts, expansive and difficult alike, are you perfectly gifting to your children right now?
Finally, to all you Perfect Mothers out there...
Happy Perfect Mother's Day 2020!
In wholeness,
Gloria S. Chan
Springwell Founder
